Why this blog?

Around 25 years ago, I convinced my grandmother to write a memoir. Naturally, it was in pen on (gasp) paper. That, of course, would never do. I was blinded by new technology. I was an idiot. I convinced (read "paid") my daughter, Miriam, to type Bubbie's manuscript up on my Commodore 64. Then, to make matters worse, I edited the typescript. Then I printed it out and had it copied and bound.

Now, the actual original manuscript, what Bubbie actually wrote with her own hand, is lost forever. It's probably somewhere in the house, but that pretty much counts as lost forever.

Now, I'm at that age. My kids have not asked me to do this, but I'm doing it anyway. I'm still amused enough by technology that I don't want to do a handwritten manuscript. I also don't think I can achieve the kind of dramatic impact that Bubbie managed with a formal autobiography. So, instead, I'm doing a blog with random memories from the past and the present scattered in a disorganized way.

This blog is linked to my two other blogs.

http://henryandcarolynsecondhoneymoon.blogspot.com/ is the blog I started when I came down with cancer and pretty much stopped when Carolyn died.

http://henryfarkaswidowerblog.blogspot.com/ is the blog I started after Carolyn died; when I decided to continue blogging.

For what it's worth, there's a search engine attached to this blog right below this intro. That won't be worth much initially, but if this blog gets long and stays disorganized, then my kids and their kids will be able to use the search engine to find stuff if they're interested.

Search This Blog

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Writing/Cancer Support Group 6/9/10 Topic: Fear

The Fear

My son-in-law, Chris Angel (nope, not Criss Angel, the magician you've heard of, Chris Angel, the movie director you've never heard of) has directed five movies. The first one was, "The Fear: Halloween Night." In that movie, a group of young adults decide to confront their deepest fears. Naturally, they head into the woods, to a remote cabin far from phones and roads where, by a happenstance that turns out not to be pure chance, there's a supernatural serial killer named Morty on the loose. That turned out to be an unwise way to confront their fears. Really unwise. It really takes the dignity out of death when you're killed by a thing named Morty.

I confront my fears differently. Frankly, when I came down with cancer, I wasn't as afraid as I thought I might be. I'm a hospice doc so I'm well aware of the discomfort that can attend end stage cancer, but I'm also aware that there are good techniques for alleviating suffering at the end of life. It's not death that's scary. Anyone can be dead, and, eventually, all of us will be. It's the process of dying that can be scary and messy.

I've been free of any sign of cancer for about a year and three quarters. It took a year and a half since my initial cancer surgery for my recurrence of cancer to show up. I'm scheduled for a follow up scan tomorrow. Wish me luck. If I pass the test tomorrow, I can put off my fear for six months before I'll even need another scan.
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)